Star Wars Timeline: Explaining The Last Jedi to Force-Deprived Family Members -

Here’s a Star Wars movie plot timeline for those who are forced to see Episode VIII: The Last Jedi with Family Members who need a refresher course. There are no Last Jedi spoilers below.

Episode plots organized by Star Wars galaxy timeline...

I - The Phantom Menace: Anakin Skywalker is an annoying kid overcome by CGI.

II - Attack of the Clones: Anakin Skywalker is an annoying teenager overcome by CGI.

III - Revenge of the Sith: Anakin Skywalker becomes Darth Vader when badly burned by CGI.

Galactic Intermission Part I: About 20 years pass by in the Star Wars Universe.

Rogue One - A Star Wars Story: Standalone movie. Subtitle: Enriching Disney Shareholders.

IV - A New Hope: Anakin’s secret son (Luke) develops a crush on Anakin’s secret daughter (Leia). Actually, that's sort of a spoiler if you haven't seen Episode VI yet.

V - Empire Strikes Back: Han Solo kisses Anakin’s daughter (twice I think).

VI - Return of the Jedi: Anakin’s son (Luke) stops pursuing Anakin’s daughter (Leia) and transforms Darth Vader back into Anakin.

VII - The Force Awakens: JJ Abrams plagiarizes Episodes IV through VI.

VIII - The Last Jedi: Anakin's son (Luke) and his identity crisis explained.

See you at the movies starting Thursday night.

Bonus Viewing: The Star Wars Holiday Special

For those who don't have tickets yet you can sit back and watch The Star Wars Holiday Special right here. Proof that Jar Jar Binks wasn't quite the worst thing to surface in the Star Wars universe: